you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize