At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
