dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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