You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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