i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize