The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
