3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
