You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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