Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
