So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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