We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
