love makes seman taste better
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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