to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
