a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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