I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
