I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
