i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
