Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
