shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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