Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
