She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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