you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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