I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
