There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize