Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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