I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
