there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
