im drinking this country out of the recession.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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