Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
