Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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