I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
