I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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