I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
