i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
