i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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