but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize