Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
