he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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