Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize