if you like me you must not know who I am
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
