my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So vagazzling was a success
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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