Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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