I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
