Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
