'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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