i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
