420 ftw
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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