my being single is dangerous.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
