so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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