I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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