we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
