Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
