hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
