I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
