I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
