She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
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