I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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