I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
