I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
