you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
