Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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