how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
