Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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