Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
