in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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