So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
