drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
How's work?
Spinning.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Randomize
