saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
