I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
