Duck Duck Cougar?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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